I used to think that everybody had their eye on me, watching my every move. That I was the one they thought of on their free time. Thinking of how bad I fucked my life up. Or on the flip side, how good things were going and how jealous that made them feel. To sums things up, I always thought I was the center of attention and everybody’s life revolved around me.
I don’t know whether to thank the Aries in me or the fact that I’m an only child for the cockiness and borderline narcissism of my past. But I do know who to thank for snapping me out of it. I won’t get into to much detail, but I was going off on somebody way back in 2007 for some sh*t I can’t remember when some Asian girl that was obviously having problems of her own basically told me “nobody cares” and shut the f*ck up.
Now this totally threw me because for once in my life I actually considered the fact that nobody cared about what I was doing or not doing with my life, how I was feeling, the way my voice sounded or any of that other extraneous sh*t we get so caught up in on the day to day.
Even though it happened almost 10 years ago, that moment was so pivotal for me. It gave me a sense of freedom, that I no longer had to worry about what people thought of me because at the end of the day they really don’t care. They don’t care I’m not in the best shape, my clothes don’t match or I come out the house dressed like a dude 60% of the time. And they definitely don’t care about my failures, how so and so pissed me off or any of my successes. Well, maybe successes… (let’s talk about groupie hoes some day!)
You see, most of the time people are too caught up with their own problems and thoughts to be concerned with what you’re doing, how you’re looking or dancing in the club (if that’s your thing). Sure they might notice, but not enough to the point it become a life consuming thought. Sh*t, they might even discuss it at the dinner table with their loved ones. But trust and believe me, nobody’s going to care 5 years from now. And if they do, they must have a photographic memory or some sh*t.
So go ahead and do what you like. Life life on your own terms and flourish like nobody’s watching. Because 9 times out of 10, they aren’t!